incomplete script

And so we begin another journey out to the wilderness and chasing the sun around the globe... 

Treading over the fresh grass, the blades sharp on my bare feet

The sunrays scatter throughout the atmosphere and radiates light to the surroundings

The dew after the rain, so moist and the fragnance of petrichor punches in the air

The blossoms bloom, the butterflies fly in search of honey

The calm breeze carries the fragnance of the roses from a field nearby

R.K

18.01.2020

 Remembering the past moments of happiness, pain, struggles, and feeling peace in knowing that everything worked out just fine, and being contented and peaceful of how life curved your path, to me, that's

nostalgia.

What does it mean to you?

Me, on Anger, Hatered & Forgiveness

“Don’t Hate People” she said. My mother.

I am not sure if that came because I hate her husband, whom I consider no longer my father or because sometimes I am just so evil and no one knows it yet. Even so recently, I had once quoted, “Everyone is a nice person till we see their bad side, and then, everyone is bad!” and surprisingly, they agreed with me. For that statement, I believe it is, unfortunate that it is true. Don’t you think so?

I think so because I am so.

I have observed people and a part of me has oft caught myself noticing people. She knows, the inner me, she knows how she attacks the people whom she hates, despises, and hurts her. Most of the time, until 18 months ago to be precise, I used to cry when I used to get angry, but these days I scream and throw tantrums and go bat-shit crazy. Displaying Anger is not my forte, so I need to practice the emotion and evolve to understand why I get upset or angry in the first place. I need to evolve and mature to recognize that anger is a secondary emotion.

Hatred, such a strong negative emotion. Makes us angry, makes us wanna take revenge and fills us with vengeance and then what becomes of us? I believe, we become the thing we have been running away from all our lives... we become our worst nightmare come true. We become the monster we were once petrified of. You cannot and must not kill yourself but the monster.

While it's true that one cannot drive out Hate with Hate, but with Love. So, we got to show some kindness to the monster and tell them that the world is still a good place, maybe its only 0.1% good, place your bets there as if you were to survive because you must.

I used to believe and still do that Monsters are nothing more than hurt creatures, a kind soul that has been rotted by the negativity of the world with no helping hand to pull the silently screaming being out from the darkness and bad things, to bring them to the light with guidance and love.

It's sad. Very sad actually. Alas, what’s done is done and cannot be undone, and if it can be undone them we must act on it as soon as possible. Because the sooner the better, yeah? But what if someone had to go through the pain to become a stronger person

Like, for me, I am such an awful person when I am angry because I don’t know to portray anger like normal people. Maybe this time is for me to learn how to portray it and grow better as an individual.

Hatred and Forgiveness? It's still a long way for me to go. I don’t think I am such a nice person that you’d give me a scar and I’d cherish it as a farewell present. You give a scar, you’ll cry too. That’s for sure.

I often do ask this to myself, “Are people worthy of your anger?” “Are people worthy of your hatred?” and most, unfortunately, “Are people worthy of your forgiveness?”

My heart is like a fruit, and to take care of others' needs, I peel it open and let them use it for their satisfaction. Well, that’s neither fair and nor kind.

So for people who don’t deserve my anger, I let go.

For those who don’t deserve my hatred, I get pissed for a temporary moment in time; which has a side effect of keeping in every memory that we cherished together with a bitter aftertaste.

For those who don’t deserve my forgiveness, they just don’t get me back in their lives.

You’ve hurt me once, should’ve finished the job of killing me from the inside on one go… times up. You cannot enter my life to make it worse anymore. Okay, thanks for staying and giving me life lessons, out from mg life forever. P.S. I don’t care if you are alive or dead.

Because If I had to forgive you, without you seeking it, I would’ve. I actually would have.

But were you worthy of it?! No? Then get away from me, as farther away as possible. 

Thanks for making my life hell. 

And oh, I won't forgive you at least until you can give me a freaking detailed explanation for your shitty behavior, I can be kind enough to consider that... maybe.

It's probably a long way for me to go, I still need to be immune to human acts of hurting others and being hurt and dealing with the pain and the healing process; and so, forgive my evolving self if I hurt unintentionally.

As for Hatred and Forgiveness huh? I guess they are somehow linked to each other and am pretty sure they aren't detached from me.

I hope I inculcate Forgiveness and Mercy soon enough to die as a good soul. 

Also, uh, thanks for letting me rant and pour my heart out yo!

 

Peace yo!

RK / 25.06.2020 / 11.47 am

Poem: When you miss someone...

When you miss someone

With your whole heart

I know it hurts

More than loving them

But in either way

The words are never

Enough, are they?

What can we do then?

Do we use silence?

Or blanks?

Or eyes?

Or paintings?

Music, maybe?

Maybe even then,

it will never be enough

R.K

23.49

29.07.2020

Start with Hope

Start with Hope

He says, in his WhatsApp About

That's a sweet thought.

The next thing I could think of was me starting my job; with a hope that all will be well and I could secure my family and myself financially, at least for the time being.

Start with Hope huh? 

Well, to be honest, I think I did. 

No one would want to start their FIRST EVER JOB INTO THE INDUSTRY without any hope, right?

But, 21 days into it, and I feel like I am not fit for it, at all. Maybe I wasn't designed for this.

I did know I wanted a job, and many a time I thought I'd be a great HR, as the field pinched my fancy now and then, but again, I guess I should've taken clues from my childhood interest - Science, Music, and Arty things that come only as close as to writing (or scribbling, as I call it)

Recently, when I was told to change my title at LinkedIn and He saw it, and LinkedIn kindly notified me as 'He 'Viewed your profile" ' (which was honestly the latest notification I had received from him and also why my second thought about his WhatsApp About reminded me of my "supposed new job") It still gave me jitters though

i. I don't know how much of it that he saw, the first time he saw was some time between 15th Dec and 30th Dec 2019 while I was building my profile. It wasn't complete, but now, it is. I don't know how much of it he saw!

ii. That was the day I knew I wasn't exactly happy with the job and was, in fact, ashamed to tell to anyone - because neither is it something I like to do, as it drifts me away from my domain nor does it allow me to learn/exercise skills that related to my Degree.

(I made a post on it too, find that at https://mylogswords.blogspot.com/2020/07/fish-fingers-custard.html )

I know, and have realized after many warnings given to me by experienced people of all ages and especially my mom; that we don't usually get jobs related to our degrees and all, but to become an HR with s Science background isn't helpful either.

Start with Hope, huh?

I believe, that I did.

And yet, here I am; wanting to quit the job 4 days after I changed my title on LinkedIn!

RK

09.07.2020

17.48

Bad starts, ain't that bad... are they?

A bad Monday ain't a bad start, is it?

The Monday after my birthday, the last Monday of June and the first Monday to the second half of the year. 29^th June 2020, Monday.

Its been troublesome already! I couldn’t sleep properly and I knew when amma was awake to make her hot water concoction with black peppers and Tulsi. I was also awake for a little while when the alarm tried to wake me up at 6, and I clearly remember smashing the battery out of it.

I remember the clock stuck at 5.55 once and thus when I noticed the anomaly for the second time, I woke up; just to find out that the time was 09.07 am on my phone.

 I jumped out of my bed, made it neat, and headed to the kitchen after my toiletries. Made rice, and coffee and hot water that needs to be taken for work. Put the clothes for wash and collected the dried clothes from the stand.

It was 10am already! I rested for a while with Zandu balm for my little upcoming headache.

By 10.15, it was decided that I would be going to the office only if I take a bath in hot water and finish my breakfast! I wasn’t allowed to make the lunch and breakfast which I desperately wanted to do so Mumma could rest for a while.

Anyways, I take my bath with hot water and Dettol... Oh. Boy. I could feel so fresh and warm.

I felt warm. I don’t need a sweater. Bengaluru is not cold. Why even wear a beanie? Is a stole even necessary!?

I don’t know if its because I am a girl, but oh damn I do take a lot of time to get ready, and end up looking like a piece of crap anyways! Maybe its a talent!? Hehe...

I sat down for breakfast at 10 minutes to 11.

I was getting late.

I stepped out of my home by 11.20

I was getting late

I missed 4 busses to work, very conveniently.

I was getting late.

Got to my bus stop, waiting for a miracle

I was getting late.

I didn’t get a bus for 10 minutes straight!

I was getting late.

Any bus that comes my way to my destination is a miracle, because it was almost lunchtime, in essence, lesser frequencies of busses.

And then it came. A 378J.

“Electronic City hogata?” I asked   “Haan, banni!” the conductor replied.

I sent my boss a text stating I will be at the office by 12.45pm. Hopefully, she wouldn’t mind unless I finish my work on time and as per the company schedule.

 

I am still on my way. Hopefully, it's a good day and a good week!

Until later

Take Care, Be Safe.

 

RK

29.06.2020

12.01 PM

 P.S. I am supposed to start work by now! 😭😭😭

 

Day 2: 30.06.2020; Tuesday, 11.18 Am IST

I got my bus, its at JSD: Jammbu Savaari Dinne now.

It's a late bus, that follows to mean the very obvious fact: I am late, again!

Anyways, yesterday was fun! I mean although I was late, the boss lady came a few minutes after my lunch, which means I had so much fun contacting my friends during work! XP

But I must say, I did finish all my tasks for the day and took an extra 30 minutes to compensate for the lost time. My boss was okay with it. So, hey, in the end, all was well.

I did ask Ajith to visit Mom, she was unwell, and he agreed to do so, sweet boy. Funny when I figured out that even the boy was sick himself, which was reported to me by Mom!!

I spent a good amount of time before dinner with my fam and my poems book. I went to my poems' book to update them after dinner too. Along with handling my new poetry Instagram page, that is.

Went to sleep minutes after 00.00

Woke up being hungry and ate Maggi  mine and my sister’s share, and had my coffee

 She has been a bit grumpy with me these days in the mornings, I don’t know what wrong I have done. I felt a warm numbness inside of me so I tuned in to the radio from my moms’ phone. I played it loud via speakers when they played my sister's peppy favorite. Nothing seems to lighten her up! L

I told her a Good Morning with the most happiest puppy face I can come up with and her reply was like as if water was thrown onto the burning ropes of a skyrocket that is used for celebration! L

I don't know what I have done

I don't know what I can do

I said I was leaving for office and she said, “Can you leave early so I can eat?”

I Was like, “Sure!” Amma was furious! She said to Di that it's not the way to talk and all. But I understood, she was hungry and seemed a bit irritated, shit happens and life goes on.. she needs her space and time. All is gonna be swell! J (?)

I took my packed bag, headed to the shoe stand to collect my shoes, applied Vibhudi and Kumkum on my forehead, and left. I was headed to the seats near the Orchid Security. Put my socks and shoes there, sanitized my hands, put ok n a mask, and headed out. “Text me,” Amma says.

I am pissed off already, just... Don't tell me my job?! Please?!

Ugh, whatever. The mask is not settling properly, I tried to handle that and my hair and my earrings, I finally kept my earrings inside. My hair is weird. The masl makes my nose run and my left eye is tearing.

 

It started off as a good day, I don't know where I screwed up, or how I managed to screw it up, but whatever, things can be worse. I just hope for the best.

Also, Today is Pranati’s Birthday!! 😁💗🌷

11.37am IST

 Day 3 - Day 5: No entry for as much for the fact that I used to write these posts when I was traveling to work and I got Work From Home, so... I was unable to write.

I did have thoughts, and I did pen some down; I typed some down too. I just don't know where they are and when they'll be up here

And overall, it wasn't a bad week; but a bad weekend! Haha!! 😂😂

Jesus man! The weekend was so bad... my tweet was: 

I guess what was worse is that people could actually relate to it, and affirmed it, stating they too had spent a full weekend feeling sad. 

P.S Follow me on Twitter at @Radha2697 for live 'Life Banter' and quasi updates on life, and exclusive poems (I write #TwitterOriginals; those poems that were written on twitter first and then made it to the poems blog: www.rkscribbles.blogspot.com ; so, what I am trying to say is; Twitter Bruh! Let's Vibe!)

FISH FINGERS & CUSTARD!

Hi, I just wanna give a heads up, I am typing/posting this on 7/7/2020, almost 16 hours since the incident.

I had written this yesterday, and uh... I am still a little sad about it. 

Also, I know, I have titled the post on "food" with a reference to Doctor Who; but that's just a scene. It's actually something I exclaim when I am upset and wanna say "FCUK!"

Anyways, without further ado; enjoy your read...

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn it!

He saw my LinkedIn Profile! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(Cries internally for the whole week and whenever I remember that Senpai had seen, MY UPDATED LINKEDIN PROFILE)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It's 17.25 now, 06.07.2020

And Adhoore Break Ke Baad is playing on 95.0 Mirchi

It's a happy song, usually.

Not this time! 😭😭😭😭

Someone gimme an outhouse or something Oh need to hide my face from the world!

Senpai ne mere profile dekhliya! Him of all people in the world.

82 connections and yet, he is the first one to check my LinkedIn Profile while I updated

Koi aur nhi ho sakta tha?!

Now the whole world knows! 😭

That is something all together, I am yet to tell Preetha ma'am, and Padma Mami and Narayan Mama!! They want me to be successful and happy and earn well; and I shall show it to them when I get a job according to my qualifications and stuff like that (mere qualification ke hisaab se, a job in my own field, with good pay, in a reputed company..)

Dr.Preetha Nair would be happy that I got to start somewhere, she'd understand if I tell her the situation. She'd comfort me even. And maybe even tell me to try harder. And woh sab sunke, even I would go back to studying and workshops and online webinars and seminars and all that...

They would understand.

But, what do I tell him? 🥺

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I cannot even handle this.

I feel ashamed.

I feel ashamed of my job! (?)!

I do, I guess. I never thought I'd get into this, not as a start to the industry at least!

I feel bad. About my job.

I want him to ask me the most important question, of all when 1 gets a job,

"Are you Happy?"/"Are you contended?"

Till now, whenever I thought that if anyone asks, I would say, "I cannot say yet, I have just started.."

But now that I think about it, I would say the truth I guess, "I AM NOT. There is a scientist in me, a crazy biotechie, who loves science and biology and biochemistry and metabolic pathways so so much! And she is put to sleep now. Because she would never take up this job! That 'scientist' is a kid, who wanders about things, a lot of things, with a never-ending appetite to know about the unknown especially if it irks her interest" I had to lay that dream to hibernate so that I can live for some more time, borrowing time by doing a job, that has been brought to me because of "my skill" ( which I doubt very very much )

No one would be ready for an Office Admin job of 6k per month. I was. I was soo desperate. And here I am.

Living to support my fam, for just some more time. Being an "Adult", taking up 'Responsibility'

I hate adulting.

I hate my job.

I love my life nonetheless.

And my dream will come true!

Not immediately, but definitely.

R.K

06.07.2020

17.43

P.S. I don't think adulting means to lose out on the joys of life and wonders it's got to offer, so let's live while we can because Life is Short and We Only Live Twice!

But again, balancing or maintaining a balance of being an adult and being a child is essential. Being an adult doesn't mean to "not be a child" but means to be aware of situations and grow up as life throws hurdles and be more mature, to take up responsibility and take pride in it. Do, for the greater good, and be kind to yourself

Now, one may ask, if I am ashamed of my job, do I take pride in it? Yes.

It's not my "dream job" as such and so I am not happy with it, I am a little ashamed, but deep inside there is a part of me that knows that this journey has got things to offer to me than me to attend to the job description. I do take pride in it because I believe it's gonna help me at some point in time. It's gonna help me grow to a better version of myself; besides, I am kinda happy that it kind of pays the bills for a while when things are a little tight (like right now; which is why I was desperate and thus landed in this beautiful mess; I just realized... My feelings are all over the place to this thought I have)

Scene

Sigh.

It's the 16th of Jan today.

It's been about 6 years since we parted and saw each other. 

We moved away, from the bad memories, the bad company, and away from the house we had rented together.

We parted ways, away from each other.

Sometimes the memories do tend to catch up, but life kept us busy, and on the run.

We hardly have time for ourselves nowadays

We've grown, inside out, as a person, a citizen, as a friend, as a lover.

We shifted areas and cities and we both, kept track of each other by all social media means, never acknowledged them though...

We've gone par oceans too for the sake of business and work...

But today, after so long, I've met him, being seated on the local bus, going to the bus station...

I in haste grabbed my scarf around my face...

Wanting to be hidden, I slyly look through the translucent lace across my face...

Our buses started to move in parallel...

I looked at him for one last time.

Took a resolve to never think about him, till the last breath.

I smile.

Sigh.

Time changes. Everything, Everyone.

R.K

27.02.19

Stop, please. Stay.

Stay. I want them to stay. If even its for a little while longer, just a moment longer maybe, but I want them to stay. I do want them to stay forever in my life but everyone comes and everyone goes.

I guess its because everyone has a time to make an entry into our lives and the time comes for them to leave, they must do so.

It breaks me, most of the times.

Today, my sister woke up before me and made sure I get ready for office. She wanted me to leave a little later because I used to leave 15 minutes prior to my actual departure time, and I did leave today 15 minutes later than my usual time giving me the exact amount of time needed for mg travel to my new office.

I am seated on my bus, on my way to work as I type this in my word doc I have on my phone and remembered that moment in time. How funny it was that my sister wanted me to leave late and apparently things happened such that I did leave a little later than when I was supposed to.

When I was a child (like child kinda child, not adult-child; i was literally 10 years old or something) I used to sit on the floor with my crossed legs capturing my Dads’ legs telling him to not go to office. I was a child then, but somewhere I was afraid too I think. People whom I love, leave. Always.

And it hurts, and I want that to stop, but it ain’t gonna stop soon.

I just want them to stay, even if its for a little while longer.. I do want them to stay. If I could I’d probably hide them away from the mean world that is out there to get them.

I guess I am being a little selfish huh? Or maybe if you look at it from my lens you’d just understand that I am looking for ways to not be alone again to not be left out again, to be included in fun activities normal people do and pretend that I love staying at home while the wanderlusty version of me wants to dress up for dates or gear up for a hike or try a new restaurant.

I have become much a Homebody whilst no one knows  who much I yearn to be around with people, doing fun things, getting to know each other and their thoughts and their perspectives on things that matter like Life, After Life, Space, Evolution, Advancements in tech and so on and so forth.

Maybe I just wanna get rid of this lonely feeling I feel once in a while.

I do not know that yet for sure though.

Anyways, till the next time

Be awesome

And don't forget to smile

Your partly lonely writer

R.K.

24.06.2020

11.40 hrs IST

The Sky and Me

I am wearing sky colors today. A bit of blue

 A bit of grey and a bit of both...

I wore this attire to celebrate sadness that wanted to get out of me but the moment I stepped out, the wind hit my face, I reach the epoch of sadness right then. 

I ran, ran as fast as I could, and halted for a while.

The sadness melted away from my eyes and I resumed my walk, a normal, quiet walk. 

I could feel the sky.

It's not sad completely

It's not calm completely either

Its a bit of both, accompanied with a dash of alone.

And that's when I understood, the prime truth, hidden in plain sight...

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

But sometimes, the sky is sad too. 

Even like right now, it's crying. Sometimes I think the sky is pouring its love trying to drench us all and I'm game for it but other times exist where I think, believe that the Sky Cries For Someone.

I don't know who, or why, but I feel like my friend is sad and the sky cries to let their sadness go away, for the sadness to come up to me and tell me to take care of my friend.

And sometimes, I feel like the Sky cries for my sadness, instead of me. But it's not like it's not been shining for me and my happiness or it's not like it plays with me like my moods play with my emotions.

I think Sky and Me have a thing...😋

I THINK THE UNIVERSE AND I HAVE A THING... 😉🙃

Until later My Dear Reader,

Your Writer cum Ranter

Radha

R.K.

21.58

20.06.2020

BlogList: A list of Blogs we can read!

Hello!

Do you like to read blogs? I like to read blogs!

I don't know how many people even like to read blogs in this era and especially if they are personal blogs. I like to read personal blogs - I find them as an interesting gateway to look at someone's life and get hit by a perspective or two.

If you like to read blogs, then you would certainly feel lucky that you've stumbled upon this blog post because I am making a list of my friends who blog along with their blog site address.

Disclaimer: The order of the bloggers and their links are listed randomly, and I have no favouritism here. All are my fave!

1. Bodhisatwa Dasgupta

A Founder, A Father, and a professional goofball. He loves food - to cook and to eat! He is one of the coolest Dads I have ever met on Instagram and his words can make you feel, mostly. (Always actually, the words hit your soul like a baseball hit your head!)

He has a daughter, whom he calls "delightful goofball", "Little Monkey" and may other things I am not typing because the list goes quite long and I did not take the time to research. With Love, as a father and as a friend, she calls her Mimi. I don't know her full name btw.

    But what I do know is that he writes letters to his daughter, and they are adorable. I am happy for Mimi for she has a father to tell her stories and give her reminders even in his absence.

The letters, I read with due permission were something that made me feel,

For a moment I realized there are so many things we must remind ourselves and pass on to our progeny/future generations. They were letters from a father to a daughter and I so wish my dad would've said something. I am so glad Mimi has her Baba. 

Follow the blog on http://www.whilemimisleeps.com/

Also, you can follow Bodhisatwa Dasgupta on Instagram at @bodhisays.

2. Ajith Thomas

23|Charming|Intersting

That's my perspective

My mom will flip if she gets to know that I find guys of my

peer group "interesting", and have an affinity to the slightest.

Why? Protective Brown Mom That's why!

He claims himself in 3 words to be:

Impulsive|Funny|Overthinking

(I am not going to argue on that.. 😋)

That would be him in 3 words either way I guess, but he is a lot more than what meets the eye

A genuine human with wit and puns, 

Always ready for some adventure and fun.

Dedicated and True; quiet a Romantic too.

You can wish him Happy Birthday on October 1st

But make sure, no matter what you do, don't break his trust

I met this human person on a Saturday at 4.05 pm, while I was expecting someone else, to be honest. Amma said to let him in. I thought he was to be let in into our house, we welcomed him into our lives too. He gets to join us for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and that's after his work is over, whenever it gets over. 

He writes, not so often. Interesting articles? His blog is the option! 

His work can be found at https://carpedeimguys.blogspot.com/

P.S. I may have judged you too quickly without looking into your very interesting Instagram posts! 😂😂😂😋

Sorry? 😟

And since you asked, Me in 3 words: Crazy|Emotional|Melophile

(I had to say these after a thorough thought! I can confirm, it's all true)

3. Guru Sharan 

Former classmate and now an awesome mathematician, Guru Sharan has done the impossible of my dreams come true - He pursued, of all the things in the world - MSc Mathematics, University of Hyderabad.

I still remember when I joined the school and was a new student I was difficult to open up to and we in 7th grade were transitioning to becoming seniors of our school, handling life and schooling and grades, and the peer pressure to perform better. He was fond of Math as a child was in a butterfly garden. That is the closest metaphor I can give, I think. 

Once, during a Unit Test, we all scored average, he scored more than me, and yet he was weeping like a child who lost their favourite toy. It was that day, I realized the love and dedication he has for the subject, and through the next 3 years we spent our schooling together, I have seen him grow to be a great mathematician. He was the mathematician in our class. On top of the subject and ready to teach stupid people like me. 

I still cannot believe he did MSc Maths though!😄

His blog is filled with math facts and I find it informative. I hope you find it amusing and enlightening too. Find his blog on https://gurusharansays.wordpress.com/

4. Divya. R

Divya is only her name, but she is an experience yet to be discovered, in my opinion.

She is full of life and love, to humans, and even more to the environment. Her interest in our mother nature was nurtured within her ever since she was 17. Empathetic, Kind, Funny, and Reliable, I am so blessed to have her in my life.

I met her through a mutual friend. I can still remember the day and it was fun because it was hard to open up in front of my classmates but this gang, they had, from CBZ was one of a kind and I was like a black sheep there, being the only one with Biotechnology and not Zoology.

Heck! We neither shared classrooms for classes nor the same teachers. We all connected so much that by the end of the 3 years, we almost became a family! 

She has the same Zodiac as mine, Cancer. Can you believe it? I found it hard at first, factually speaking... but I guess, that made us connect without much effort. It was so easy to understand her and her emotions because we are both alike! :-) 💕⚘

She writes, and she is one of the most crucial people who made me curious about writing, and thus I started. Her writing style of prose makes me feel, in my gut, and my heart. Such beautiful words and the sensation you are left with after you read her stuff is almost drug-like.

I find her work ama-ziinnggg! I hope you like it too! 

You can find her stunning blog at https://cancerinstardust.blogspot.com/

5. Arjun Baburajan

A Doctor by the mind and a Writer at the heart. He is a poet with a typewriter, in the era of digital content and I am forever in awe at him for that. 

He is an artist and Art. 

I am blessed to have known him. 

Subscribe to his writings, you can seek at https://wulfbiscuits.substack.com/

6. Vidyadhar Sharma

 

What can I say about my senior from high school? It's funny when I think about it to introduce him as my senior, because we hardly ever talked to each other at school! We were as good as absolute strangers! 😋 

We came to contact, for the first time, in 2015 I think... there was a Bookshare challenge that said, "Give 6 books, get 36 in return" I shall share more details of my MiniMeAdventures later.

Also, when I say ".. came in contact.." I mean to imply the fact that it was the first time in our lives we spoke to each other for above 2 minutes straight! 

Now, this Human, here, is a rare soul; one gets to meet and have in their lives if they are all fortunate enough and I am one of them. I have been fortunate enough to meet, and know and get inspired by him, ever since I was in 8th grade. 

I know, I know; that's the age people get crushes, but in him, I found an idol, to look up to!

And in fact, I still do; I ask him for advice and guidance whenever I feel stuck with something.

I feel so blessed sometimes! 😇

He is currently, the founder of Speckbit, ( https://www.speckbit.com/ ), and his team is dedicated as much as he is. I know that, because, I just do! XP

He writes, stuff, like words, and phrases and his thoughts and his opinions.

Poems are what he pens, 

Poetry is what it becomes!

Such. Beautiful. Writings! You can follow him on Insta and on Twitter under the username @justvidyadhar 

His writings are mostly about Life and are scattered throughout those 2 platforms, mainly, and the extras you plausibly miss out on can be available at http://www.vidyadhar.xyz/  

He pens articles on the Speckbit blog too, you can find that at https://www.speckbit.com/blog 

7. Kavya 

She has been my buddy ever since 7th grade! An ally, and a secret keeper. We have shared our deepest secrets and traumas to each other ever so freely and oh, the number of inside jokes within us! XD

She is a fashionista at heart, who enrolled in B.tech Biotechnology - A course as same as mine with a technical perspective! 

Her blog speaks of Food, Health, and Modern Day issues.

Find her blog at https://hacksofspills.blogspot.com/ ) 

So, these are the 7 bloggers and writers I can present to you.

If you have anything to share, feel free to do so in the comments section!

I hope you enjoy your reading! :)

Quarantine Uncertainity : A rant on my past 2 months

Life is uncertain at times, even if we make plans for the future up to five years from now or have our full week organized or just choose to go with the flow.

I am a mix of the 3 kinds mentioned above. I do plan for my day/week as much as possible, with dreams stretching to the next five years, always. But sometimes, I feel happy-go-lucky and feel like let's just have some fun today and go with the flow - this happens mostly either when I know what is going to happen or when I know nothing at all and am hit with uncertainty.
I guess everyone is, yet sometimes things don't go as planned and a butterfly effect flows.

Recently, i.e past 2 months - ever since Graduation of my Masters to be accurate; has been a downward spiral of chaos and confusion and uncertainty and unhappiness ( not sadness, unhappiness - I am not sad, but I am not happy either.) I am just mostly confused and sometimes lost.

My mum asked me a few days ago, "It has been almost 2 months, what have you achieved?"
I couldn't answer her. What do I say to a question like that?
I look back to the past and I can see myself trying to work on a day plan I try to keep for myself because at times like these, discipline and good thoughts and keeping yourself productive is essentially crucial. I have tried thrice and failed all three times. I don't know what to do anymore and I am grateful my mental health is still in green one if not my area considering the virus-infected personal lives nearly 5 km away from my house.

I worked on my blog and my poetry book and have sought so many jobs and job portals. I have also invested myself in a game that made me write a fan-fic, also, I got back to anime and watching shows! It feels like a 2-month well-deserved vacay. But I want to stop now.

The coming of June and we're broke, officially. I need to get a job, I need to clear my exams, I need to participate in webinars and get myself a certificate or two to show off on my resume.
It's saddening, and maddening!!

I need a pattern in my life! And I cannot find it because:
1. no one would cooperate
2. Leave me alone for 6 hours fro the things I need to do? Impossible!
They would find it impossible, I believe. I don't know. Its just soo.. ugh!

Recently my mom has been contacting agencies to make sure I get a Masters or a Ph.D. from overseas. I mean..? What?

Albeit I have not been studying for my NET exam, which I will start soon - hopefully, I want to be here in India for some more time. I had a plan of finishing up my exams and take up a job for a year or two when I'd study and clear the NET exam by then.. but she and her plans are throwing in more colors into my life - confusing me a bit more as if the confusion and the pain in my head were never enough!

Someone? Save me?
I...

uh, stay in for updates and more stories, that seem like rants?
I don't know. Sorry

Buh bye for now

R.K
23-05-2020
13.20

Green Lantern is an awesome movie. Fight me

Green Lantern is awesome. 

There, I said it.

Also, this post is going to be in green, what can you do about it? 

Nothing. Exactly.

That's the exact thing I want you to do when you realize that the opinion of the movie is mine alone.

Opinions differ for everyone because we are our own individuals, and I believe Green Lantern is awesome.

Fight me if you can (want). Let me see you try... 

The story is subtle on the awake of 'The Green Lantern' being a human - and that's the beauty of it I guess. The story arch is like light bending around the curves of the Earth - absolutely gorgeous.

Now, I am not going to tell you the story - either go watch it or read it, your choice, I leave to you alone to it. I am going to tell you why I find it awesome, from an insanely naive novice vision of a person who admires Ryan Reynolds, in movies and as a person, and in every character, he takes up as a new avatar of himself

The story is of a Hal, a mere human, whose work is deadly and requires him to be fearless nonetheless. Now, I presume that you've read it or seen it.. so let's talk...

We know he is reckless and a fighter, he has ways of finding trouble and getting out of it. He is mildly scared to fall in love and to be vulnerable while at the same time he is a big-hearted - made of nice stuff like Cotton candy and gummy bears and candy canes and toffees. Hal is cares (like for his family and his nephew) while being irresponsible too ( like the present he gave, and while Carol came over, to "talk" ) 

He is open to new things, especially new responsibilities. 

Fight me on this, come on

He is portrayed to be irresponsible, but when it comes down to the task, he is responsible enough to get it done - whether it was defeating the new F-35s or defeating The Parallax. 

He is not afraid, as much as he is for the right reasons. 

He defended himself near the parking lot, he defended Carol and the people in the helicopter, and the lady who was almost a victim to the doings of a Parallax. 

The relationship clearly has nothing more than sparks of Hal and Carol throughout the movie but ends up in fireworks, has he takes up the job of a Green Lantern seriously. and they are clearly mature enough to state that they are in love with each other, fearlessly. 

Some part of me, throughout the movie, made me think that I resonate with Hal - a tiny little fraction, little yet non-unsignificant; it made me feel that we are our own Green Lantern in our own way. 

Don't you think? The will power of a human is strong, maybe the strongest. The will that one can do so many things if they just set their hearts and minds to it. 

I speak for myself when I say I found it inspirational.

If you don't like it, cool, but let's not allow the indifference to bring a haze between us, okay?

I think I wanted to write a blog post of a movie in terms of a partial review because of the criticism it had received. The movie came out in 2011, I was in 8th grade, or at the last year of my junior high (whichever eases you). Now imagine, telling a naive 14-year-old child, who is already fantasied by science and science fiction and the powers of the advancing technology. You tell her that a ring of green color can give you powers? What did you expect for her to do?

I had waited a long time, nearly 9 years till I got my hands on the movie for free on a player; namely Amazon Prime. Lucky me, I got to watch that movie finally to see what the hype was all about. 

Throughout these 9 years, I've been having to see mild spoilers and memes and stuff about Green Lantern go round and about the internet; thankfully it did not spoil much of the movie experience for me. I also need to add the fact that after Deadpool, Ryan himself, albeit the sky-rocketing stardom he rose to, did not appreciate that people did not appreciate the Green Lantern movie - I always got that vibe and I was so sad - I had to know why people liked it or disliked it or what the hype was all about - which was powered by the innate curiosity that the little naive girl of 14 carried.

And by all means, I believe this is one of the most important movies for me - in terms of Ryan's acting which I found abundantly phenomenal, the lesson that will power is strongest in humans, and humanity is a power by itself. Never let go off your principles and always stick by your family. Be Good, because it's the right thing to do. the screen pair that Ryan and Blake got to mingle on the sets at shooting and sparks flew off to lead to their wedding and even see them have two little adorable babies! (Omg! They are sooo cute!)

I am a Marvel fan and a DC fan. I ain't got favorite studios, but I've got fave stories.

Until later, 

RK.

Back to the past: #3

#3: New Beginnings

15.09.19, 19.19 IST

New beginnings, it's a happy tittle and it's a justified title.

Why? I'll tell you why...

Today marks new beginnings to me writing, 1 page every day. I am a writer or so I do at least I call myself just as others claim me to be.

I write poems, and maybe they'll be called poetry one day, and sometimes prose and memos, a bit more than my blogs.

It is very rare or may I say, unusual for me to sit down to write a prose

Well, my mom and a dear neighbor of ours, a kind wise old gentleman have wished for long for me to start writing - 1 page every day. 

This is the initiative, I try to keep up from today. 

I hope to keep this up for the longest while possible because fear grips me and my attention from all the past initiatives I've ever adopted or taken up - the fact that I've always abandoned it after some time.

   Now, one thing that yet brings me joy is that it's unlike poem writing or poetry. Writing poems is something I do, with a full heart and only if I ever come up with one, but prose? Prose writing doesn't take much effort as poem writing takes for me. Prose writing is thus something I am always open to, even if I feel like - that's where I being a professional procrastinator kick in - or maybe it's becauseI'm more expressive vocally, then verbally.

Oh well, let's take a chance and cheers to new beginnings

Until the next time

Yours,

RK

Back to the past: #4

#4: To each, their own

16.09.19, 18.05 IST

The title isn't just the title of this piece I write today; it's a thought I've had in my mind to contemplate for quite some time

I stalk people, i.e. follow them on social media as much as I can. If they are my fellow peers and friends. I'd know them personally and media-wise, and most of the time I follow especially the ones whom I have not met in like musicians or artists or authors - I follow them, not to know them, but to know their journeys.

Whatever they may have been through before publishing their art, music, or books...

To each, their own journey

For a non-blinding, obvious fact that I enjoy art and would like to promote it; I very much long to know what their journey has been like. Why? Because I believe they inspire me.

Some true journeys may even seem like fiction because it's hard to believe - but it's true that a human soul has faced it all and was able to reproduce their pain/happiness as art to the public

Many People, Many Stories

and to each their own

They inspire me, as I aspire to be

a bright star that once shone

Your blogger

R.K.

Feelings

Feelings, the most complex thing in a complex living system.

What are they? and why do we feel them? are constant questions I keep asking myself. It is to make one aware of their state of physical/mental/emotional pain and experience? Is it to make one aware of the other persons' pain? Why do we feel what we feel and how do we use it to our advantage? 

These are questions you can ask anyone, but most will fumble at the mere thought of it; as I did, when I asked myself the same; or like the time when someone asked me the grand purpose of life and existence and of this universe because it didn't make sense to them.

Well, I am just a girl, just like you wonderful humans, I too have my share of personal experiences and I too have still not found the answer to the questions above. 

And I just realized as I wrote the last line, does the word 'question' have its root to the word 'quest'? If it does then does it mean we have to tred on a journey, on a quest to find the answers? And how do we make that possible? 

Maybe, Life is the journey we tred and travel upon, learning one day at a time, trying to find the answers to these questions. No? (Don't agree? Leave your comments below then. Lets Fight!!) Because I have begun to believe that it is

Besides, one thing I was always fascinated about was "The Purpose of Life" it always made me feel as if there is more to our being than just breathing and doing a 9-5, or washing dishes and changing diapers. Not that it's bad, but there is more to a human than what meets the eye; and we want to reach that epoch, with the lingering problem being, How. How do we manage to reach an epitome of a lifestyle by not knowing how to get there? Maybe, this is where we make a path of our own when we cannot find a road to where we want to go.

It's just, sometimes I feel so much as 20 different emotions in 30 seconds and sometimes I just feel plain and numb for 2 hours straight. Funny, I really don't know what I feel now - it's like I have to submit an article in another one hour while not knowing how to even go about the article! It's just plain right now, neither stressed nor tensed. 

But I guess I am not alone, there must be someone who feels like this once in a while and that's okay by me. Maybe it's you, or the person next to you, or the person whom you remembered when I told'em to you. Either way, I know I am not alone, who feels. We all do.
Such complicated feels we all feel, so many feelings that can be distinguished with a thin line margin of difference.

Like, happy, ecstatic, elated, joy/joyous, they all mean almost the same but aren't. Then there are feelings like anger, stress, sadness, sorrow, pity, envy, jealousy - emotions that are far apart from each other and have different states of mind.

Sometimes I feel an emotion and I cannot place it under a certain type. Like when I got the job of a content creator, I was elated that I have a job and can keep myself not just busy but productive; yet I also felt a pinch that I have to cut time from watching anime - from 6 episodes per day to 2 or 3 because I choose to put my work first. We get to feel so many emotions for the same reason, and I kind of find that funny as well as intriguing.

But do you ever feel that feelings are just sensations, your mind gets? 
      Like, you experience heat and the cold and colour and dark and pain by your physical being, so what if emotions are those that can be perceived by your mind, redirecting you back to your mental health and well being? 

After all, it's your mind and your feelings. And you might want to control it because it may seem cool to be like ' Oh I am strong, I feel no pain' 'I have my emotions in control, I'll be fine' but in my fair and honest opinion, it is not. It is neither cool nor healthy for anyone to dominate their emotions - not that one shouldn't control. 

Understand the difference. Don't dominate, but control.

You feel angry? Okay. That was Step 1: Identifying the emotion. Step 2: Identifying the cause. Step 3: Feel the emotion, but don't move. (Especially if it is an emotion that can cause a wreck, then be patient, feel the emotion and do not move) Step 4: Control the emotion, don't dominate it. You are feeling it for a reason, that causes the emotion - (Step 5) try to use it to your advantage. Whenever I get angry at anyone at home or work, I choose best to not respond till my anger waves off, thus letting me concentrate at my work; sometimes I just watch an episode or 2 of my anime and I am back in the field with a new form. Get over the past. It is not easy, but necessary, and the smartest move that there is to do would be to deviate some time to yourself after a moment of agony. Ultimately, learn to be patient. It will guide you to peace. Inner peace, zen-like peace - Nah, I was just messing around. 

Or was I serious?
That, I'll leave up to you for the free guess

But all I know is, emotions and feelings, although complex, is an integral part of human lives, development, and evolution, with no exclusion to animals. Feel it, in fact, I'd say - SAVOUR IT! Because, you only live once. and as Will Trainor, my fave guy from Me Before You says, 

"You only get one life, it's your duty to live it to your fullest"

Until later buddy,
RK
13.05,2020
15.16 hrs