2023 summary: This year was nothing special, but...

hey, look in and you might find all the special little moments that made the year an amazing album!

I know it's been long since you've had a post and I too wanted to write... but what can I tell you now? Oh yeah, a summary of this year so far... because there's always one post between May- September that wraps up and updates everyone as to what's been going on.

And then again, where do I start from? You already knew what happened to me and Jitendra, Our souls were vibing at a level the universe could find magical... but magic doesn't last forever. Love does.

And I'm sure he carries my memories and my essence within his soul, somewhere deep inside. I just know it, but I'll accept if someone says it's all in my head.

Thank god that Prashant sir kept me busy with work otherwise I'd never be able to come out of that emptiness that was within me. og and the fact that my behenlog came over to Amh'd for the NYs' celebration was just.... soul-saving because otherwise, I'd been dysfunctional with memories of a friend occupying my mind.

Swiftly, 2 months passed by. I got a gift from ferns and petals for Di, apart from the chocolate box obviously. That Krishna was soo beautiful! 💖💖

oh! And those 2 wintery months were painful!! Why? Well, my blood-brain barrier thought it was absolutely okay to have a sinus infection. I thought I was dying!! I used to apply balm almost every day - esp after lunch.]

Come April, I went back home for my dad's 60th. We held a puja then and I was trying to get things done - groceries, flowers, arrangements as much as I could.

I went back on the 24th, a little late to work. Mind you, I made a friend outta a stranger who was experiencing his first day in the city.

I was too tired from all the pooja, celebrations and visits from Bengaluru, and to include a super early morning flight at 5 am (Yeah, I slept for like, 90 minutes tops, that's it)... I was super groggy and fazed.

But the fellow passenger was a new fellow, and I just knew I had to help them out. It was then that I ended up giving my number to my new Ahmedabad buddy from Andra.

Well, come 30th April, I'll always remember how friends make the world a better place, because when I was so damned alone in that beautiful city.. we went to check out the neat stuff of Ahmedabad city, had street food and he dropped me home like a gentleman that he was!

Over the next weekend, I gave in my resignation on the 10th. Come the 14th, we'd gone to Rani ki Vav, Sahastraling Talav, and Modhera Surya Mandhir with his friend who tagged along with us.

She and he had been close buddies since middle school. [i think one of them is in love with the other, but they aren't saying it... that's all!][lol, sweet young love]

Anywho, May had its madness and fun... I was experiencing everything in Ahmedabad for the first time and the last... summer night walks with Komal di and Sandwiches with Hardi bhen... oh and not to forget how we were melting in the summer heat without an air cooler or conditioner..! :( 

And then comes May 30th, the last day. I was officially done being a content writer-HR assistant-Ed-Tech assistant-Business manager-all for a little while... but on the evening of 7.30 of 30th May - I WAS DONE.

I really had an emotional fortnight previous to my last day... I really counted on spending time with my Behenlog, Bhailog, and the new kiddos in the block... Spending time with Hardi, Gaurav, and Karishma on the last days was super comforting! <3

I love my friends from Ahmedabad, I miss them and I carry my memories as a reminder that the nicest of things can exist for a short time and still give you a heartwarming memory.

Well, did you know that I'd have an exam 5 days after my last day? Well, I didn't until a week prior... so heh, I had 5 days to study for the biggest exam ever. And I did. I studied my ass for 5 days and got around 80 percentile (I didn't qualify though - I mean IT'S THE BIGGEST EXAM NATION WIDE FOR a SEAT IN A RESEARCH INSTITUTE!! THE ENTIRE NATION IS COMPETING!

So, yeah, within a week of the exam, I was back home. I was supposed to stay with my homemates for another 6 months though. Oh well, fun when it lasted I guess. And to be honest, Ahmedabad treated me like the adult I was supposed to be - I was happily bound to responsibilities and work with a busy 'adult' life... mannnn I miss that so so much!!

Cut to June 20th, I was going with my MA and PA for a round of puja that we were supposed to do. July was the time I started tuition classes to continue my income and savings that I was supposed to do this year... so, in short - very happy that I could teach again!

Oh. and not to forget a mention, I met Nani and visited the DD office in Lucknow!! Bhaaiyyaaaar what a place, IITR was another highlight of that short trip.

During my stay in Lucknow, we grabbed the opportunity to stop by Varanasi and Ayodhya (Ram Janma Bhumi) and then made it back to this city [I was taking tuitions online for the fortnight and resumed quickly] 

Ever since August, every day has been pretty much the same - there were sad moments, I went to a fitness class, I used to study and my classes used to go on in the evenings... Come October, I grew fond of the divine through Vinay Varanasi. Life continued to happen and I happened to play to its strings...

Well, days have been crazy for the last 5 weeks... and my students have their pre-boards going on... The exam stress is in the air like CRAZY!! Not to forget a special mention of the fact that I'm getting my driver's licence soon :)

Ah, well, I'm having another exam in another 5 weeks... god help me! :)

Oh, and, I might get married next year... being so calm about it helps with the age and expectation with the fact that I too [more like, "someone like me"] can get married to someone... chosen by someone... :)

heh, a short post for a long year... 365 days of fun and frolic, reduced to the most special moments that were present in this year... and I'm grateful for everyone who's showered their love and blessings on me, wised me well and have supported me through this year.  :)

Thank you for the support, the love, and reading :)

Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year 2024!

love,
R
26-Dec 2023
00.46

random hormone high poem

 On a hormonal high this Tuesday night

She craves him. His voice, his hair, his scent, his hi-5 and his smile.

His fingers touched hers for a moment of time.

His gaze was on her face.

His words ran through her nerves.

But she wants more. She wants it all.

29/Nov/2022
22.22 IST

poem: she used to have words

she used to have words that made her feel
an universe of beauty in her soul every time she reads
a garden of dreams
a graveyard of hope
a dark moonlit night
all made sense in her head
when words held her heartstrings tight
but now all that she has
is all that makes her, her.

Old ghosts of hope

withered flowerbeds

& starless skies

She was never lost.

She was beaten to life

And without words

How would she survive

So, look at her

Ruined like a majestic

Monument in sight

Decades of struggle

And kindness despite

All the hatred and spite

is it too late to save a monument with kindness and little effort when all she ever wanted to words to feel again?

R.K.

18.27

11. June. 2023

Shorts #3: Sunshine winter mornings.

The winter cold mornings wake her up

With a cold whiff of breeze that grazes her cheek.

And so he wakes up to sight her

In all her glory, her morning bed head, he laughs at it immersing himself in the jolly of her innocence 

A giggle owning to the marvelous wonder that she is.

Maybe the secrets to the universe are held in her coffee brown eyes, oh look, she rubs them with her tiny human hands...

Her hair falls at her back, wavy yet messy... the universe inspired to make waterfalls that are smooth yet turbulent

Her pot of milk boils, coffee is being made and she wakes up with a new life from the first sip of her joe

The sun tries to find her in places where shadows lie.

She hides away from the light, hiding and seeking the roshini he's giving.

Oh! It's time for her to go out now... maybe he can find her then?

He seeks her amidst the scintilating pores of leaves that are natures pin hole camera and wonders... is she wearing black to take in all of me?

Well, then why does she cover her face with a Bandini print stole?

Stupid stole, cannot see her face! But I can still see her eyes. Ah, those coffee brown eyes... look at that, the audacity to cover them beautiful ambers with spectacles.

Alas, its not just me but Dharthi, Bhoomi, Akash and Vanam dont get to see her occulus. The windows to her soul.

She walks in a pace to her bus stand... and lo, she took her ticket, she boards her bus, talks to her Ma and..  and! Hey!! She saw me! Im elated beyond bounds.

She boards her bus and looks out for me, am I... am I shy? I do want to hide behind the clouds... she seeks me in ecstasy to drive her spirits. She seeks me... and in return, all I can do... is admire her soul.

If I, the sun was to send her a message, its this: 

Hi there. I love you, here's a ray of sunshine for you. 

I admire you, your soul, your spirit and your drive. Go live your beautiful day.

***X***

Love,

R

19th Jan 9.19 am

25th Mar 11.55 am

2023

poem: a Sunday evening yearning

after a celebrationof the cold winter's
harvest fest, I read

I read and muse myself
with a little jealousy
with a little envy and
with a small sorrow
my small heart carries

I want to be a muse too
to someone who
sees right through me

but I'm sure they'd see
the chaos I try to hide
away and look away from
the warmth I want to give

look at that heart with
its love - ready and waiting
to be someones'. Maybe yours.

but I know there's none
in this room to muse
me or use me - even
for a heartbreak or
a poem from a hurricane
of words left unsaid from
my random, scared, sad,
alone, chaotic mind

and so, I muse myself
into writing a poem of
being a muse to a poet
whose heart I deserve not
yet whose words I desire
like a sin I wish to consume

all jealousy vanishes if
I know who you sight
with your brown beaded eyes

all envy dies if I know
you're loved the way you love
with warmth, smile, laughter
and beside a "her"
who'll not be me

all sorrow melts away
freeing me in this cold
winter evening if I know
I was one of your poems
or a dream or a masterpiece

but I can hear you say,
"Oh baby, but aren't you
the soul to the universe
I've locked away; in many
years I haven't touched you and
if I do now - you may turn to dust"

so, please do, I beg.

let me be the dust that belongs
in the same room as you
if not a muse to your poetry

let me be touched
by your sinful poets'
hands which write and bleeds
ink into a canvas
and always about someone not me

my love, either muse me into your thoughts
and write like you cannot live as the words choke
you; or turn me to dust


I just want to be forever, immortal and free
I just want to be someone's poem

that's all I yearn, love.


RK
15 Jan 2023
18.45 IST