FISH FINGERS & CUSTARD!

Hi, I just wanna give a heads up, I am typing/posting this on 7/7/2020, almost 16 hours since the incident.

I had written this yesterday, and uh... I am still a little sad about it. 

Also, I know, I have titled the post on "food" with a reference to Doctor Who; but that's just a scene. It's actually something I exclaim when I am upset and wanna say "FCUK!"

Anyways, without further ado; enjoy your read...

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn it!

He saw my LinkedIn Profile! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(Cries internally for the whole week and whenever I remember that Senpai had seen, MY UPDATED LINKEDIN PROFILE)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It's 17.25 now, 06.07.2020

And Adhoore Break Ke Baad is playing on 95.0 Mirchi

It's a happy song, usually.

Not this time! 😭😭😭😭

Someone gimme an outhouse or something Oh need to hide my face from the world!

Senpai ne mere profile dekhliya! Him of all people in the world.

82 connections and yet, he is the first one to check my LinkedIn Profile while I updated

Koi aur nhi ho sakta tha?!

Now the whole world knows! 😭

That is something all together, I am yet to tell Preetha ma'am, and Padma Mami and Narayan Mama!! They want me to be successful and happy and earn well; and I shall show it to them when I get a job according to my qualifications and stuff like that (mere qualification ke hisaab se, a job in my own field, with good pay, in a reputed company..)

Dr.Preetha Nair would be happy that I got to start somewhere, she'd understand if I tell her the situation. She'd comfort me even. And maybe even tell me to try harder. And woh sab sunke, even I would go back to studying and workshops and online webinars and seminars and all that...

They would understand.

But, what do I tell him? 🥺

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I cannot even handle this.

I feel ashamed.

I feel ashamed of my job! (?)!

I do, I guess. I never thought I'd get into this, not as a start to the industry at least!

I feel bad. About my job.

I want him to ask me the most important question, of all when 1 gets a job,

"Are you Happy?"/"Are you contended?"

Till now, whenever I thought that if anyone asks, I would say, "I cannot say yet, I have just started.."

But now that I think about it, I would say the truth I guess, "I AM NOT. There is a scientist in me, a crazy biotechie, who loves science and biology and biochemistry and metabolic pathways so so much! And she is put to sleep now. Because she would never take up this job! That 'scientist' is a kid, who wanders about things, a lot of things, with a never-ending appetite to know about the unknown especially if it irks her interest" I had to lay that dream to hibernate so that I can live for some more time, borrowing time by doing a job, that has been brought to me because of "my skill" ( which I doubt very very much )

No one would be ready for an Office Admin job of 6k per month. I was. I was soo desperate. And here I am.

Living to support my fam, for just some more time. Being an "Adult", taking up 'Responsibility'

I hate adulting.

I hate my job.

I love my life nonetheless.

And my dream will come true!

Not immediately, but definitely.

R.K

06.07.2020

17.43

P.S. I don't think adulting means to lose out on the joys of life and wonders it's got to offer, so let's live while we can because Life is Short and We Only Live Twice!

But again, balancing or maintaining a balance of being an adult and being a child is essential. Being an adult doesn't mean to "not be a child" but means to be aware of situations and grow up as life throws hurdles and be more mature, to take up responsibility and take pride in it. Do, for the greater good, and be kind to yourself

Now, one may ask, if I am ashamed of my job, do I take pride in it? Yes.

It's not my "dream job" as such and so I am not happy with it, I am a little ashamed, but deep inside there is a part of me that knows that this journey has got things to offer to me than me to attend to the job description. I do take pride in it because I believe it's gonna help me at some point in time. It's gonna help me grow to a better version of myself; besides, I am kinda happy that it kind of pays the bills for a while when things are a little tight (like right now; which is why I was desperate and thus landed in this beautiful mess; I just realized... My feelings are all over the place to this thought I have)