Well, that's a thing that happens when I'm on my periods... but that's not what I actually wanna dump.
I just wanna say... despite Saturday evening and Sunday morning... I somewhat feel I won't be able to do my PhD in and from Athreya.
Maybe I should've finished my PhD before a marriage?
Maybe I should give up on something I've been working for so long!?
I just dont understand... and I feel I did me wrong.
Oh so ambitious and yet I'm... (feeling so lost)
Because I don't want to ever say that getting married was a wrong step.
It was not wrong... brave? Maybe... Foolish of me? Maybe.
Foolish not because I choose him... because I'm going to put him through pain... I should've thought this through. I'm gonna put him through so much and it sucks.
Maybe I don't deserve to be here.. here... at Athreya... as their Daughter-in-law.
********* xxx ******
It just seems sooo impossible today.
Seems like I can neither do my csir exam nor my phd.
Because I took a break to visit my gallery... last year, I was single, with dedication and a strong willed determination to do it... but who knew that I'd get married!
Who knew I'd say yes and my life would change forever... (And I desparately want to believe for the better... becauze my current state of mind is saying otherwise.)
Maybe he can drop CA and I can drop CSIR and settle for something else...
Maybe we aren't meant for great things.
Maybe we are meant for something else.
But what?!
I'm so lost and scared and out of phase today.
Maybe I'll just take a break?
I don't know.
Confused, but truly yours,
R
16. July. 2024
12.36 IST
