So, here you go...
Firat I dumped it to my friends and deleted it before any could read and now Im dumping here coz I know no one will read!
**************************************** I have some questions... *****
I was ready for a relationship, a relation of purity and a bonding of love... but was I truly ready for a marriage?!
My timings and timelines have changed so much... my priorities are in question and I feel like I have an existencial crisis almost every other week.
My body doesnt corporate, i am not able to live up to standards of a 'daughter-in-law' (or so us what I feel)
^ and god save me from that feeling coz I feel like if I keep it all in and keep questioning myself I'll either lose myself or my sanity
Am I meant to be here?! Honestly...!!!
Harish keeps telling that I deserve this love and this place but dudee.... major impostor syndrome attacks!!
Or maybe he's just consolling me for momentaries sake!
I feel so out of place... the full moon is coming up and I feel so so _buzzed_
Like, something is stirring inside me... I'm cooking, I'm becoming something else... I don't know who I'll be once I'm done
Is it maturing? Is this growing up? Because I don't remember being in anxiety or self hate all the while I experienced "growth" or "maturity"
I feel like running away sometimes.
I don't know if journaling will honestly help me anymore... i haven't done it regularly in a long while... and that's another thing that can add on to the list of things I hate myself for.
God, I hate this moment and this feeling... I hate me being like this.
And I feel so powerless.
I feel so much of self hate
I feel so much of self disgust
How am I to love someone when I find myself incapable of loving me!
Self care gaya bh@@d me tel lene!
I'll turn my concenrration to something else perhaps... maybe that'll help temporarily.
Honestly, I feel like running away from this situation. (^not this home)
They deserve better.
Natarajar thunai
Devi sharanam
R
11.49 IST
19. July. 2024
