Hi y'all!
As you all, my life is a completely atrocious wonderful mess and I am not going to brood on how I came to that state in the first place. I'm tired of living in the past memories that brings in sadness.
I was fired, I went on a mini-episode of depression as to why I was fired even though I did and gave my best to the company.
To be very honest and raw with y'all, I did slack starting mid-August. Well, there was this post on LinkedIn that went like, "You are valuable to the company as long as you value their time and efforts with you"
Well, I didn't feel like I was valued there, the CEO of my workspace was too busy with everything and management sucked but I understand that it was a start-up. They needed some space to grow and stabilize all at the same time.
But everything changed ever since Sahil Khanna came in and it went bad. I had faults in my part too, but to be fired? And on top of that to say that they were 'restructuring the content-design team' was utter bullcrap.
Anyways, I must admit although I did want to resign sometime in late December or so, I didn't expect myself to be put in a sudden spot of unemployment... that followed with a fortnight of depression and job hunting. Existing was hard, every single day.
And even before I know it, it was October and we were on a trip to Vrindavan.
Although the original plan was to visit Nani and tour the reins of Maa Durga or Maa Kali, i.e. Ma wanted to see Vaishnodevi whereas I wanted to see Durga Ashtami in Kolkata. (Remember I said October? Yeah, it was near Navratri. and thus such a plan.)
We came towards Haridwar and Hrishikesh for Ganga Snan (Bathing in the Ganges, which is considered Holy, as Maa Ganga in the Aqua form washes away our sins.)
Since we had been so close, we also decided to visit Shimla. My plan; Big mistake.
I roamed the lanes of Shimla, all by myself and the bus driver who kept a distance of 2-3 places behind me. I honestly don't even remember how he came to follow me but I do remember the fact that Di had called him, not me, him; and in response, he remarked sarcastically about me. I was there. I heard it all. I knew I had to go back as soon as possible and I did,
The only thing I remember was I had a slap on my face. I didn't speak much from there onward. I narrated the entire event's incidents to Ma. She scolded. I missed the sunrise of Shimla as if that could make anything better. I spoke very little since then - I guess I've spoken not much since then at all.
This swiftly went by, the month of October... the month of sadness, less speech and being broke.
As soon as we arrived back home, we knew there was hardly any time left for Deepawali, which was followed by my besties' brothers' wedding at a 4-day interval.
We spent the first few days to regain the facts of the entire ' Navratri Trip' - I cannot listen to 'Aaoge Jab Tum Ho Saajana' by Rahet Fateh Ali Khan anymore without thinking about the sad memories from the Shimla trip. [I found a new love in Music - Nikhil D'souza. Gosh, he be amazing! <3]
Nonetheless, Deepawali and the wedding kept us busy until Mum's flight back to Sharjah.
We, Me and Di took our time to settle in the fact that we are now alone. The maid was told to stop, payments were done and we had the responsibility to take care of ourselves.
I am a slow person eh? I guess. I mean, I did take 3 days to regain normality and the fact that I must search for jobs. [I did search for PhD positions too - well, that seemed like a far fetched dream. This was the period I got so lost with what I wanted to do with my life, But I had known one thing for sure - I do not want to ruin my resume with experiences that don't reward me well. And a content creators' job? For long though?]
1-week post Ma's arrival in the Emirates, I had sent my passport copy - never expected the E-Visa to arrive so soon. It had come in 3 days, the tickets were booked in less than 15 hours and 24 hours later...
Here I am, 25A on Air Arabia towards Shj on a flight, Gate number 37, Flight at 01.20 hrs IST [I'm in the waiting area actually, I didn't get a circle pin charger - so I am now charging the laptop that in turn charges my phone. Messed up eh?]
TBH, I guess, it's been these 30 minutes that I've got to myself to realize my past 2 1/2 months have been a crappy rollercoaster ride.
There was a special edition of me trying to learn about ADHD was, I suspect and subject myself to some non-sense mental trauma of whether I am sick or not, [I got an online test result of the cusp between moderate-high] Well, turns out that was just my hormones messing my head during PMS
My boarding starts in 5 min | This was my story so far, | Can't soak it all in?
Well, I had lived through it all and couldn't handle it either. I'm a little better now though. This was probably the 30 sane minutes of my 3 months wherein I had some time to breathe.
Everything was so fast, I couldn't process them myself.
So, sorry to everyone who I didn't catch up with.
I love y'all. Thanks for reading my rants, listening to my rants and guiding me to a sane lane of existence.
Love, R
27.11.2021 | 00.53
