Why on earth does my life a hella amount of instability and uncertainty?
Is this because of the Corona pandemic or is it my age of being 23 that there is so much shit that spews in my life; keeping my mind wavering to decide what is good for me and what my passion/dream is? and what on earth I'd like to make my living off?
On some days, amma says, "Pack to Gangaikondan, le's settle there and we'll see a new road from there" and on some days, it's "Search for a job here only na... we can stay together as a family and you don't have to leave everything you have here"
'Everything that I have here'
What do I have here?
My sister, with me.
My online classes/ tuition classes
The guitar class that I joined after 6 months of work - by my own salary. I take pride in it and is a big thing for me, if not for you.
I and my sister have been apart a lot of times, separating one more time is going to be painstakingly difficult but I guess I can manage with a few video calls now and then...
My classes will be online even if I go to Gangaikondan and so will the tuitions...
My guitar class? Well, after crying about it for 2 nights and asking sir on the 31st, he said he'd take online for me... I am eternally grateful for it.
I really hate uncertainties yo!
Scares the crap outta me sometimes!!
To add to this shit ride, Amma, who now lives in Sharjah because of her Patidev wants me and Akka to move back and find a job. She'll never stop being Shanthi - The opportunistic optimist - don't get me wrong... she is a warrior and a lover and yet finds optimism in every opportunity she gets.
Di would find a job and easy and yet I don't know why she does not want to go back. Whereas for me, I think I'll just quit job searching or working and focus this year on IELTS and guitar, along with teaching and tutoring kids online/offline. Let's focus on the PhD now, shall we? And maybe some content writing... I have actually been thinking about it but never applied for anything seriously... maybe yes? maybe no? maybe yes, but later? Let's see...
Yours forever confused
R
